THE SMILING ATHEIST PRESENTS:
THE WHAT-THE-FUCKERY CUP
MATCH ONE: A SPECIAL WHO-ELSE-CAN-WE-BLAME MATCH
WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?
Well, apparently the Catholics already have. After centuries of blaming the Devil, the Jews, the Protestants, homosexuality et cetera… The Catholics have finally thought of blaming the children. That’s right, Bernando Álvarez, the bishop of Tenerife, is exceeding the claims of Bill Donahue, who has blamed Catholic child molestation on homosexuality, by passing the blame onto the children themselves. Álvarez claims, “There are 13 year old adolescents who are under age and who are perfectly in agreement with, and what’s more wanting it, and if you are careless they will even provoke you.”
These statements were made on Christmas Eve in an interview with La Opinión de Tenerife, a local newspaper in Tenerife, Spain.
BABY, YOU’RE A TEN ON THE RICHTER SCALE
At least, so says Muslim Cleric, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, of Tehran, Iran. According to him, “Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes.” The worst thing about this is that this view is shared by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, who is predicting an earthquake in the near future in Iran caused by the careless, anti-religious ways of the country. He recently said, “At least 5 million should leave Tehran so it is less crowded.”
MATCH TWO: A JEBUS-PATROL MATCH
COME ON!?! A JESUS TICKET? I WAS ONLY A HEATHEN FOR FIVE MINUTES!
The above note was left on the front window of Shannon Poston, a resident of Belmont, NC, outside of a Cracker Barrel this week. Apparently, the unnamed Jesus Meter Maid was offended by the Darwin Fish on the back of Shannon’s car, and so he/she felt he/she better leave a note to remind Mrs. Poston that Jesus loves here, not Darwin. I wonder what the train of thought was here. Considering only one of these people ever existed and both were dead for many, many years before Shannon’s birth, how could either love her.
This tends to the point about Christians. Have there ever been a species of people who feel a greater need to push their beliefs onto others while being irate about being allegedly repressed? Other than Muslims, of course. Christians claim that the beliefs of others are pushed onto them because they must now deal with billboards, books and bumper stickers. Well, here’s the deal, when atheists start knocking on your door while you’re trying to relax, start preaching on street corners, start protesting outside of churches and start leaving notes on peoples cars, then you can complain about being harassed or repressed. Because YOU do all of these things, not us. Perhaps we should start.
ONE MOR(M)ON™ DESERVES ANOTHER
An Oregon man, Alex Tucker, left his home on for work on just another Friday morning. As any Friday, he watched the clock and waited to get off to head to his cabin out in the woods in Northern Oregon. But this day wouldn’t turn out like that. Apparently Tucker forgot that having in A as a decal in his back window is not okay, even in a state as liberal and accepting as Oregon. What Tucker discovered when he came out to his car after a hard day as the office what black spray-paint all over his car, citing, “Atheist, terrorist scum,” and “Baby eating, Hitler loving piece of shit!” I forgot to mention that one tire had been slashed as well.
Obviously, this exclaims more than anything which side of the atheist VS theist debate is the “terrorist” side. Besides, who was the last atheist who flew a plane into a couple of sky scrapers? What is either more ironic or more tragic is that the A on the back of Tucker’s car didn’t actually stand for atheist. It was actually a parking permit for his apartment building, unfortunately for him, styled in a similar font to the atheist “A” symbol.
The group was later found red handed and were identified as three boys, ages 15-18, and members of the local Church of Ladder Day Saints. Wow! Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb!
Well, pick the winners of both matches and they’ll move onto the next round to face next weeks tournament participants. As I’m sure, there are plenty of stories out there who would love to have a chance to win The Smiling Atheist’s What-The-Fuckery Cup Championship.